Bah Humbug!

I am so...not happy right now. The spirit of negativity has laid residence in my being. Why am I so unhappy you ask? Especially given my enlightened nature not a day ago. Well blame it on syking urself out. Blame it on lonliness, a sense of rejection and singing the same ol song when ur trying to change ur tune. Now granted, this is just a funk and I am so not taking my blessings for granted but one thing on this new path that I am learning to do is accept the fact that I am not gonna be happy all the time and that's alright.

Life's not a movie and u cant be positive everyday. Im human! I get angry. Jus because I'm "spiritually enlightened" now doesnt mean the bad days arent gonna come. So today's a bad day and I'm gonna rant about it. Cool? Thought so. lol

First, I hate my job! NO JOKE ,NO EXAGGERATION!! Yes there's perks like the fact that with little to no consequence I can sit my happy ass in a chair and read a book from time to time. The job is not rocket science, but on a day like today when I'm just really NOT FEELING IT...it tends to wear the nerve. Being around white people all day long whose biggest problems are where to park their Bentley's while I'm struggling to scrape my pennies to get a 400+ apartment .... not my idea of a good time. Faking the funk when I know that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, neither is that something enjoyable. Dealing with their politicking and wah wah wahhhing all F-N day long it's jus like...REALLY? SHUT UP! I'm so serious I was on my way to a mental breakdown.
Not to mention my lovely father was late picking me up (again...Lord please bless me with a car!!!!) and I was feeling like shitake mushrooms(thanks first boyfriend ur qoutable will live on in infamy). And to add insult to injury I have no outlet for my bitchy frustration since my mother's glued to the TV to find out the "ok, and?" news about the little white girl who's been dead for six months. Like....am I the only person hearing crickets? That's about as ground breaking, exciting and newsworthy as Beyonce admitting to her marriage. Like good for u for finally letting us "in" on it but sweetie...been there done that.... so 6 weeks ago. Not to downplay death or murder (though the TV does a good job at that) but EVERY F-N DAY PEOPLE?!?!" This just in the police on Little Caylee's case took a donut break!" Like seriously?I didnt see half this much coverage when Jenifer Hudson's whole FAMILY got murdered. This is three people's LIVES including a little boy. What not cute enough? White enough? Maybe he should've been a little younger to drum up some sympathy. Like JEEEZ LOUIS. SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUP! ( I told u I was bitchy right?)
Im stuck in my head. My friend STILL hasnt emailed me back...I'm getting more and more pissed because my body is not catching up with my head and my circumstances aren't catching up with either one. I want outta here!

I want it to be March so I can step into my furnished, lovely two bedroom in a new city with a new start. I want to crack open my first textbook and smell the new paper from the pack as I let myself cry my final victorious cry of self actualization.

But it's Friday, and my dad's playing his music too loud, and my sister's thirteen so I have to be careful what I discuss with her. My mother's crying for Caylee, my best friends SHOPPING, my ex doesnt matter, the man I want(ed) is probably with his girlfriend...and I'm screaming im my head and noone can hear me.
Oh and plus I have to be a that crapshoot of a job at 9 am tomorrow. Bah FREAKIN Humbug!!! I'ma listen to some Christmas songs and hope that I wake tomorrow and I'm wealthy and it's March and MY biggest problem is where to park MY Bentley (correction: pretty white Range Rover). I'm so over this!
Over and out
JOBG